My Soul Thanked Me
When I started to pay attention to feelings and thoughts, extraordinary came to my reality.
As I became more self-aware and learned to name and accept my own emotions without judgment, I faced a new challenge: expressing unpleasant emotions when they arose. Coming from a background of repressing emotions, I realized I still needed to work on openly expressing these feelings to others, recognizing that not doing so was another form of emotional repression. With this realization, I set an intention to express my feelings to people, whether they were pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant. Surprisingly, within the next 24 hours, an opportunity presented itself.
My friend R suggested going out for lunch on Friday. Knowing his past track record of forgetting or arriving late, I decided not to chase after him this time. On Friday morning, R texted me to meet at a coffee shop in our neighborhood at 12:30 PM. 12:30 PM rolls around, and I start leaving my place (knowing he would be late). Just then, I received a text saying, “I will be 10 minutes late.” “As expected,” I thought. When I left my place, I felt annoyed. Alongside my friend's unreliability in being on time, I was also a bit upset with him for another matter. While walking to the coffee shop, I thought that this lunch was a great opportunity for me to practice expressing my feelings.
I arrived at the coffee shop at 12:37 PM, ordered my food, and found a table. While waiting, I realized that I didn't really like that coffee shop. The staff there always seemed super stressed and never very friendly or accommodating. So, there I was, waiting for R once again. Frustration started to build up.
At 12:44 PM, I received a text that said, "Alix, I’m so sorry and emergency has just happened, at work." My immediate reaction was, "Are you serious?" R responded with a brief "So sorry" and "I’m stressed out." With these laconic replies, I am now a simmering volcano, my blood boiling like molten lava, ready to erupt with pent-up frustration. Trying to be kind I go: “I am a bit disappointed” (while I am literally boiling inside"). Trying to remain kind, I said, "I am a bit disappointed" (although I was boiling inside). I questioned, "Are you sure you can't find 30 minutes away from work?" (I clarified that R is a graphic designer, not someone saving lives, just to provide context). His replies remained monosyllabic: "sorry" and "crazy stuff." Clearly, these answers did not help. And to add to my frustration, where was my food????? It was 12:50pm: NO R and NO FOOD! (which typically took them no more than 3 minutes to prepare).
I approached the unfriendly waitress to inquire about it. After a brief exchange, she finally brought my order, but it had rice on it, which I had specifically asked to be removed. I expressed my dissatisfaction, but she seemed unhelpful. Feeling that it wasn't worth my time, I let it go. I thought to myself, "This lunch is just getting worse and worse."
Back to my R problem. As my anger was at its peak, I reminded myself of my intention to express my unpleasant emotions. I needed to release it. Normally, I prefer to speak face-to-face with a person, but this time I decided to say what I needed to say right away. So I sent R a second text: "Actually, I am super upset. I'm having lunch by myself in a place I don't like. I would have much rather had it at home."
R replied straight away with the longest text he had ever sent me, detailing exactly what was happening at work. As soon as I read his reply, I felt a sense of relief. Was it because I knew the truth, or because I understood his perspective? Who knows? But I definitely noticed a change in my emotional state. Peace.
I told myself, "Well, that was actually easy. Why did I wait so long to try it?" Instead of letting my anger build up for days, it was resolved in just a matter of seconds. I even ended up thanking R for taking the time to share more details about what was happening and forgiving him.
And that's when the most extraordinary thing happened. The moment I felt at peace, the unfriendly and stressed waitress unexpectedly brought a cake to my table and said, 'It's on the house'. Puzzled by the sequence of events, a thought struck me: expressing my anger was an act of self-love, and in that moment, my soul thanked me.
From a feeling of frustration to anger, and then to a sense of peace and profound gratitude within, my world underwent a transformation from chaos to love. As my inner world changed, so did the world around me.
How often do you express your unpleasant emotions?
Expressing emotions can be challenging, especially when we feel overwhelmed by them. What I do is take a deep breath, try to detach myself, and before speaking, I either ask myself the question, 'What would love say?' or remind myself about the Nonviolent Communication technique (Facts, Feelings, Needs and Request).
Give it a try. You might even receive a pleasant surprise. ;-)
