How People Teach Me a Lot About Who I Am: Embracing the Mirror Effect
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”
As I ventured through the labyrinth of life, searching for answers to the fundamental question, "Who am I?" I found an unexpected source of guidance and illumination – people.
I never understood why I had such strong feelings, whether positive or negative, about someone I had barely known, an unconscious judgment that would arise automatically in the presence of others – the famous "first impression." I had heard of the idea of people being a reflection of myself, but it remained quite elusive for most of my life. I wondered, "How can judging others possibly reveal anything about me?" Yet, as I dived deeper into introspection, it became crystal clear – "the first impression is always the right one." However, I came to realize that it was the right impression about myself, but not necessarily about them. I call it the Mirror Effect.
The key to embracing the mirror effect is to listen to my emotions when they arise. As I became much more attentive to them, I tried to understand the messages they bore. To do so, I used the 3-2-1 shadow work technique (cf blog post What My Body Tells Me).
Let me illustrate with a few examples.
There was that one person I met through a friend whose presence seemed to awaken a dormant annoyance within me. It was as if they held up a mirror to show me a glimpse of my past self. But why did I feel this way? I thought I had overcome those issues… Puzzled and determined to break through the resistance of my ego, I turned to the 3-2-1 shadow work technique. It unveiled a crucial revelation - my discomfort with their close-mindedness on spirituality exposed my own suppressed spiritual side. Oh, how the mirror chuckled, nudging me to accept my quirks and all!
In another instance, I met someone and immediately felt a lack of trust towards them. This time, the mirror effect taught me that trust is not solely about the other person but about how aligned I am with the topic at hand. Our misalignment spoke volumes about who I am and my values.
As I navigated through the mirror effect, I discovered that positive feelings towards someone also conveyed profound insights. Liking someone often indicated an alignment with my life purpose or revealed qualities I aspired to have or embody. For instance, a person's sense of humor that resonated with me made me realize my desire to embrace a lighter, humorous side of myself.
By recognizing the mirror effect, I got closer to a more authentic version of myself to become what I truly am, and gradually increased a sense of inner peace. A positive or negative feeling about someone became a signal to listen to my inner critic. In friends, I see qualities I have or want to embody. In people I dislike, I see parts of myself I am not aligned with or needs I do not listen to.
As long as I am not neutral, the only truth I see in others is mine.
In people, I found my truth.
Your turn now. Have you ever tried to decode those hidden messages of a first impression? Which qualities do you admire in people? You already possess those qualities; they just await to be ignited within you.
