From Shy To Shine, From Invisible to Visible
I came to the realization that my shyness stemmed from being held captive by my own subconscious thoughts. Exploring the depths of the subconscious can be a daunting task. Initially, I believed that I had no reason to be concerned about my subconscious mind. I assumed that I hadn't experienced any traumatic events in my life, especially compared to others. Therefore, I never saw the necessity of seeking therapy or delving deeper into my psyche.
However, I faced a problem: I was shy and struggled to express myself.
While I learned how to overcome my shyness in a professional environment by forcing myself to interact with strangers (working in retail proved helpful in that regard), I couldn't help but notice the persistent discomfort in my stomach when facing new situations and meeting new people.
Something was still missing. It was time to explore a little bit deeper… What did I do?
1/ Become aware of my pattern:
Firstly, I realized that being shy was not who I am or a defining characteristic. It was merely a collection of behavioral patterns. By patterns, I mean the recurring events in my life that I often started describing with phrases like "it always happens to me" or "I always end up...". How did I find out? I took a step back from my subjective viewpoint and observed the repetition as if I were a mere witness of my own life.
What did I notice about my shyness? People didn't remember me, I remained quiet or spoke very little in group settings, I rarely met new people, and I felt discomfort in my stomach (which I now take as a sign to explore my subconscious). In a nutshell, I hid.
As I repeatedly found myself in these situations, I discovered a barrier holding me back—a cycle that prevented personal growth. So, how did I break free?
2/ Uncovering the thoughts and fear behind my behavior:
Through self-help books (see post All I need is love), I unearthed beliefs I had formed during my childhood, such as "being invisible is safe" and "I am boring."
In addition, I named the fear underlying these thoughts, which emerged from various episodes of my past: the fear of being criticized, judged, and unloved. It had caused a behavioral pattern where I withheld my true thoughts and opinions, becoming a people-pleaser instead. Unconsciously, I strived to say what others wanted to hear, sacrificing authenticity and suppressing my true personality.
As these haunting thoughts came into my awareness, I began to feel lighter.
What came next?
3/ Reprogramming my mind
Using guided hypnosis, guided meditation, and timeline therapy, I explored how my childhood episodes influenced the development of my fears and thoughts. Through this process, I was able to release and erase their impact on my mind—a form of reprogramming.
Furthermore, I fostered new empowering beliefs about myself, such as “I am a fascinating and curious woman with a wealth of stories to share”, “I feel secure in being visible to the world”, “revealing my vulnerability is the path to connection”, and “expressing my feelings will attract more love and support”.
4/ Embody my new thoughts
Last but not least, I took consistent actions to embody these fresh perspectives. I learned to speak with greater volume and clarity, engaging my diaphragm. I attended networking events to practice self-introduction and asking questions, actively engaging with unfamiliar individuals whenever the opportunity arose. Additionally, I acquired the book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People , by Vanessa Van Edwards to enhance my social interactions and truly become the person I aspired to be.
Here’s what changed:
People started remembering me
I felt comfortable speaking at a table of seven strangers, without that nagging sensation in my stomach.
Networking events no longer caused anxiety or shame.
I gained more friends.
Phone conversations became lengthy, lasting a minimum of 60 minutes. They used to be just five minutes, leaving my interlocutors struggling to engage me in conversation.
For countless years, I had been bound by childhood thoughts—thoughts that took root when I was 3, 4, 7, or 11. I had been walking with an intangible chain anchoring me to the shadows of my past, ceaselessly obstructing my path, despite all my endeavors to surge forward. The arduous task of unmasking these thoughts consumed two hours of my existence, finally allowing me to break free and become.
Behind each block, there is a thought. I wish I had known that sooner...
Exploring the subconscious is one of the best gifts I ever gave to myself. I found my freedom.
Your turn now! What's your block, where do you feel discomfort? Are you viewing the situation from an adult's perspective or still holding onto the perspective of your inner child?
