Conversation with Dad: The Art of Listening

Let me tell you the story of how I reconnected with my dad. A proper active listening exercise!

How many times had I complained and felt miserable because I couldn't connect with my dad? I could not get him. He could not get me. I would not even dare to say what I was thinking, too scared to lose the thin connection we had forever.

One day, after a phone conversation, I felt extremely sad again. “Why doesn’t he get it?? So annoying.”

After crying for a good 30 minutes, I started to acknowledge my sorrow. I took my journal and wrote down my feelings, asking myself what I could do to build a connection. The wise part of me (imagine how surprised I was to find it there!) advised me to show him the way. Interestingly enough, I realized I had always tried to force my perspective on him without taking the time to understand his own perspective. Who knew my inner wisdom had such flair?

So there I was, having lunch with my dad, determined to connect with my heart. I was fully attentive and engaged, ready to listen.

The problem was, my dad had a tendency to make things more complicated. Whenever I asked a personal question, he would quickly move on to a story about someone I didn't even know or care about. In the past, I would have naturally disengaged, felt bored, or continued the conversation with my inner self. But this time I was determined to stay focused and fully attentive. I won’t lie, it did require some extra energy… But as I listened to his stories, I asked questions that helped me understand why he was telling me that story. What does it like about that person? Why is he interested in this? It was like navigating a maze, twisting and turning through the stories to find the path that led to the truth.

Then there was that moment. A moment I would never forget. I saw his pain. It lasted a few seconds (he’s always been a pro at discarding emotions in the family). But I saw it through his eyes. And I felt it.

By trying to understand, I saw my dad’s heart.

And just like that, I reignited a connection in the long-dormant circuit of our relationship.

What about you? If there's one person you'd like to work on your relationship with, who would it be? Try it. You can do it!